On Being a Writer

What does it mean to want to be a writer?

Is that something we "want to be" or something we are, in various stages or progressions, because we engage in the act of communicating through written language?

I am a writer. It isn't a question of whether I want to be or not. I am a writer.

I have been a writer for as long as I can remember. Reflecting on my early memories of writing sent me digging for artifacts from the past. I hadn't been through my collection of elementary school keepsakes in a while, but I was 

confident I would find what I was looking for: my very first book. My first 

A nurse?
That dream didn't last long!

"published" work was entitled "Renting a V.C.R." (Copyright 1984). The book 

cover was a late 70's style wallpaper glued to a sturdy piece of cardboard. The 

binding was reinforced with red tape. Mrs. Palmer, my kindergarten teacher typed my words, and I illustrated the story. And, best of all, my book included an About the Author page, penned in Mrs. Palmer's very neat handwriting. 

Without a doubt, it was a treasure.

The treasure of this book—even though I was unaware then—is that it was a gateway. It was a positive experience with sharing my real story with classmates, my teacher, and my parents. They told me: I had something to say. They showed me: I was a writer. And so my identity as a writer began.

In first grade, I wrote simple books. The first grade version of me progressed from word books (written for my baby brother) to longer stories that began to resemble the familiar bed-to-bed tales. My illustrations, while not deserving of the Caldecott Honor, helped to tell the stories in half-page construction paper booklets, too.

In fourth grade, I was a playwright. Or, I was determined to be, writing pages and pages of play scripts and enlisting the help of any friends I could coerce into joining me (which wasn't many, incidentally). I spent hours after hours in the musty basement on a folding chair at the old card table dreaming up dialogue and stage directions.

In my moody middle school years, I discovered an outlet through poetry. Some of my poems were corny and contrived, but others were filled with emotion and became a vessel for expressing inner conflicts, the start of self-discovery.

I didn't write as freely in high school, nor did I write creatively in college. My writing life was far more academic in focus. In some respects, as writing became more prescribed and forced, I did less of my own writing and more to satisfy expectations. My choice to write went dormant for a spell. And, in fact, until recently, I could count on one hand the number of writing projects I've engaged in by choice.

There isn’t a good excuse for why I wasn’t writing. Time, I suppose is the greatest factor. I wasn’t taking time or making time. I engaged in plenty of rich, creative thinking and philosophical dialogue. I constructed aloud and elaborated on ideas excitedly. Yet, that deep thinking is ghost-like, with so many seedlings of writing that have slipped away because they were not captured or recorded.

Sometimes circumstances force development.

In time, two things happened. First, I grew tired of making examples or producing stilted models of writing to share with students in my writing workshops. A writer though I was, I was faking it when leading the writers in my classroom with pristine writer’s notebook pages and snippets of writing I had composed specifically for the lesson but in which I had little genuine investment.

Second, my professional setting and peer group changed. My closest colleagues—those upon whom I depended to bat ideas around or to engage in healthy pedagogical debate—left my school community for different reasons. New relationships are growing and must be built, of course, but I have naturally gravitated back to the paper as a thinking partner. I have turned increasingly introspective and often explore my ideas and beliefs in the pages of my notebooks. I write to engage my mind in possibility, to dream up a new great plan, or to give time and attention to thoughts that otherwise go unattended. I need a way to capture, develop, and refine my thinking, and I can depend on my Sharpie pens and my notebook to be there.

Melissa, Writer, age 5

Today, I am a writer. 

I have always been a writer. I see that, having dusted myself off, reacquainting myself, and allowing myself time to spend writing. My goals need to be developed and may even change. My audience, subject, and purpose may vary. But my identity as a writer does not.

Developing Identity: Vulnerability and Value (Children Want to Write #2)

[As a member of my school’s Leadership Team, I have volunteered to facilitate a monthly book study using the text Children Want to Write: Donald Graves and the Revolution in Children’s Writing. This is one entry in an intended series devoted to reflections, musings, and captured wisdom that results from our book study readings and discussions. See how it started here.]

The DVD that accompanies Children Want to Write is a treasure trove of additional fodder for reflective teachers. When introducing the reading assignment for our session (chapters 1 & 2), I prepared colleagues to expect the featured video for chapter 2, “The Mother of the Story,” to be part of our discussion. Together we viewed the clip in which one young writer, Debbie, articulates what writing is really about—for her.

During the group viewing, I asked colleagues to watch the video specifically to identify characteristics of this student that made her a writer. The interview Lucy Calkins conducts with Debbie emphasizes her identity as a writer. She describes her ownership of her writing, expressing how she is in control of the choices and decisions related to her work. While she honors the influence of others in her writing community, she knows she is ultimately the decision-maker, or “the mother of the story.”

In the resulting conversation, my colleagues and I reflected on the conditions that are currently in place in our writing workshops, and we dreamed aloud of what we would like to see and do in order to promote such self-awareness and high levels of reflection in our own students. We want to nurture our students towards the development of their own writing identities.

Debbie’s confidence in describing herself as a writer and her relationship to her writing is evidence of the active role she assumed as a writer. She showed deep investment in her writing and owned her ideas. She was comfortable taking chances, and changing her mind or standing her ground. She recognized an intrinsic reward in writing. 

Comparatively, I frequently encounter students who are more passive, operating from a position in which writing is something done “to” them, given as an assignment or a consequence. Risk taking weighs them down, and fear of having nothing "good enough" to write paralyzes them from the start. The act of writing is not yet internalized and ownership of the writing is not yet actualized. 

How do we make the shift?

I take hints at ways to begin from Graves’ wisdom about writers and vulnerability and value.

Students need opportunities to see themselves in the role of a writer. I need to empower them with words and wide-reading experiences, and I need to gift them with time. I can instill this idea by calling them writers, and reminding them they are. I can involve them in partnerships with other writers, including myself, stretching their potential as developing writers. I can create ways to share and celebrate their writing.

Students need to experience that they have ideas worth thinking, exploring, and sharing through writing. I need to validate that their ideas have worth. I can cheerlead their efforts, honor the personal nature of their work, and recognize the risk that is involved. I can help students increase their comfort with vulnerability by being a vulnerable writer myself.

Students need to find acceptance, through discovery, that writing is often imperfect, sometimes unfinished, unpublished, and/or private and not shared with a wider audience. I can de-emphasize final drafts and publishing. I can model more exploratory writing and be an example of a writer who doesn’t perfect every piece I begin. I can to broaden students’ perception of what writing is.

Debbie was a writer. By accepting vulnerability and internalizing the value of her written work, Debbie developed her identity as a writer. With some intentional choices to promote these habits in our writing workshop, so can our students.

Too Many "Would-be-Writers" (Children Want to Write #1)

[As a member of my school’s Leadership Team, I have volunteered to facilitate a monthly book study using the text Children Want to Write: Donald Graves and the Revolution in Children’s Writing. This is intended to be the inaugural entry in a series devoted to reflections, musings, and captured wisdom that results from our book study readings and discussions.]

Why this book, and why now?

            It seems each year I work at puzzling through negativity in students around writing. Reluctant writers, they’ve been called. They have been characterized as unwilling, difficult, and/or unable. Yet, I wonder if my classroom make-up has been comprised of “would-be-writers,” as in, students who would want to write and would enjoy writing if they had a chance to be writers.

            I’m fearful that in an effort to deliver good writing instruction, we may have actually exacerbated the challenges of writing by establishing conditions in which students have been expected to write as a performance, an attempt to meet certain specifications as outlined by their teachers. Conversations with students often reveal that writing is perceived as a task or assignment to be completed, something that is done to fulfill teachers’ directions. Do we create this by imposing routines and structures with too many parameters and prompts in an attempt to “cover” writing objectives?

           Donald Graves’ work describes the necessity of a different outlook. Graves’ writings and research cause us to slow down as practitioners, and he refocuses us on the students…the writers. Children Want to Write is a compilation of Graves’ work that invites teachers to slow down, to reflect, and to consider what it means to be a writer—both by engaging in the practice of writing ourselves and by trying on the mindset of our students to understand their development as writers.

            I accepted this invitation from Graves (through the work of Penny Kittle and Tom Newkirk) in the summer months, spending days with my copy of Children Want to Write. My own thinking and reflection, scrawled in the margins and in and around the text, prompted a freshness for me in returning to writing workshop in the fall—I was enthused about inviting students to write, and I was a renewed writer myself. When the opportunity arose in my school community to propose titles of professional texts to be considered for a building-wide book study, Children Want to Write was atop my list. I enthusiastically shared my hope that this work would become a basis for wide reaching discussion about writing instruction. I hoped others would have a stirring reaction to the text and that it would inspire us to create conditions school-wide to develop writers, to guide students in self-discovery through writing, to facilitate a shift in student affect towards writing.

            After reading the first chapter herself, Graves’ strong invitation to teachers of writing to be writers themselves sparked my principal with energy to encourage our staff to engage in writing themselves. Hoping to encourage us, she enlisted the PTA’s support to purchase Moleskin notebooks for each participating staff member. Each book study session incorporates at least one invitation to write with an optional prompt for those who want a starting place.

            Our work with Children Want to Write is significant and important, a message emphasized in the choice to hold our book study sessions during reserved staff meeting times. This communicates that the work we are doing as a learning community is worth the investment of time and energy. Our book study group includes classroom teachers, special education teachers, our literacy coach and interventionists, and our principal. The experience of the group ranges from those who were fortunate to hear Graves speak in person at the onset of his revolution to first year teachers who are absorbing his influence eagerly, having been impacted by the work of Graves in their own formative years.

            The shared conversations, the commitment to deeper learning about writing instruction that positively impacts students, the redirection to the writers we are developing…these things make me hopeful. I am hopeful that Children Want to Write, and what we as professionals do with it, can be a catalyst to change writing for our students in big ways. I am hopeful that we can create an environment for learning with fewer “would-be-writers” and more students (and teachers) who proudly identify themselves as writers.

It's Monday, What Are You Reading? (2.17.14)

Every Monday bloggers all over the web participate in an effort to share books we have read and what we are excited about digging into. Thanks to Jen at Teach Mentor Texts and Kellee & Ricki at Unleashing Readers for hosting us all!

What I Read this Week:

Sunny Sweet is So Not Sorry, by Jennifer Ann Mann
(Bloomsbury USA, 2013)
     Masha Sweet has a pesky, genius little sister. And by pesky, we're talking about the kind who concocts her own permanent glue and affixes plastic flowers to her sister's head overnight. Masha's little sister Sunny complicates her already dramatic fifth grade world. In this first book of a new series, readers follow Masha and Sunny through a wacky day of trying to remove the flowers.
     The book gets my recommendation to some of my younger fourth and fifth grade readers who will best connect to Masha's plight and probably not be distracted by the unlikeliness of some of the events in Masha's day. There are good opportunities within the book for discussion about sibling relationships and the importance of friendships to girls this age.

The Shadow Throne, by Jennifer Nielsen 
(Scholastic Press, February 25, 2014, based on Advanced Reader Copy)

     Here's my dilemma with this book: It needs to be included it in what I read this week, but I don't want to say much about it for fear that I will ruin it for so many awaiting fans of Nielsen's Ascendance Trilogy!
     I am grateful to have met Jennifer Nielsen at NCTE '13 and to have brought home an ARC of this title. I was delighted to get back to the characters of this series and to the conflicts of the king. Like so many other readers, I was also waiting! I found the last book in the series to be deeply satisfying. It was equally pleasing to the readers as the first two titles (The False Prince and The Runaway King) with the twists and revealings characteristic of Nielsen's created kingdom.
     I am bad at continuing books in a series, often reading only the first and moving on to other titles and authors. However, I believe any fans of The False Prince ought to continue through the subsequent books without fearing disappointment, and those who have not entered into the adventure yet should not prolong the wait any longer!

The Boy Who Loved Math: The Improbable Life of Paul Erdos, by Deborah Heiligman, illustrated by LeUyen Pham
(Roaring Brook Press, 2013)
     I am late to the party on this book (and a few others topping of my TBR pile), but I'm glad to have not delayed longer. In this picture book biography, Heiligman and Pham have a masterful story of mathematican Paul Erdos. The story of Paul's unusual upbringing and his fascination with numbers is made accessible for intermediate elementary students who need increasingly more and more role models in the fields of math and science. Similarly to On a Beam of Light, this author/illustrator pair has made the genius mind and abstract concepts of mathematics more tangible for young readers. Every intermediate classroom should be adding a copy of this text to their classroom library.

What I am Currently Reading:

Doll Bones, by Holly Black

(Margaret K. McElderry Books, 2013)

What I am Reading Next:
Five Six, Seven, Nate, by Tim Federle
Just Jake, by Jake Marcionette
One Came Home, by Amy Timberlake

It's Monday, What Are You Reading? (1.13.14)

Every Monday bloggers all over the web participate in an effort to share books we have read and what we are excited about digging into. Thanks to Jen at Teach Mentor Texts and Kellee & Ricki at Unleashing Readers for hosting us all!

What I Read this Week:

Wake Up Missing, by Kate Messner
(Walker Childrens, 2013)
     Admittedly, I am picky about my science fiction. To be more accurate, I rarely choose the genre. This book, however, was the perfect blend of adventure and sci-fi thriller. It kept me page turning with eagerness through the whole text. There is enough possibility of such a mastermind project involving genetic engineering in today's world of bigger-better-faster-smarter that the text is edgy. The characters are ones you choose to root for, and the villains the kind you plot against. The depth of Kate's research and informational base is incredible and well-utilized to create an engulfing literate world you can't help but feel a part of.

Waiting for the Magic, by Patricia MacLachlan

(Atheneum Books for Young Readers, 2012)
     Having digested a lot of Patricia MacLachlan's books in the fall, this was one that I had not yet read. In keeping with many of her other books, this will be a good story to offer transitional readers who need less complex story lines and something of shorter length. The feelings of the children in this book are identifiable for most students, as is the connection between the characters and their pets. I'm looking forward to book talking with my students and hearing their feedback.

Half a Chance, by Cynthia Lord
(Scholastic Press, February 25, 2014)
     I was delighted to hear something new was coming from Cynthia Lord. After loving Rules and Touch Blue, I knew something good was in store with Half a Chance, and that proved true. I wanted to be Lucy's friend from the first pages, sensing her discomfort around change and her pursuit of pleasing those nearest to her. Cynthia gets so much right in this book, particularly the emotions of friendship (and maybe a little more?) and angst that comes in watching a loved ones memories slip away. There were so many lovely and astute quotes from this book that were cause for further reflection. I look forward to sharing with students--both the book and the discussions that this story will prompt. (P.S. I'm ready to go on my own mission to fulfill the scavenger hunt photo list!)

A Hundred Horses, by Sarah Lean

(Katherine Tegen Books, 2014, based on Advanced Reader's Copy)
     This book wasn't atop my TBR pile, but I bumped it up when a student returned it to me and said, "I think you should read this now. I want you to read it because I'm anxious to talk to someone about it." What further compliment is there for a book, right? A fan of A Dog Called Homeless, I leaped into this book willingly. I think I like it better. The main character, Nell, is down-to-earth and real, which I think matters to students. She has a strong desire to make things right, which I think is also important to students. Angel, a character of mystery who helps keep the line of suspense running through the end of the book, resembles for many of us the misunderstood friend. Within a rural, farm backdrop enriched with a tale of a hundred horses this book addresses the themes of honoring one's true self and finding friendship in a time of loneliness.


What I am Currently Reading:
A Snicker of Magic, Natalie Lloyd
(Scholastic Press, February 25, 2014)

What I am Reading Next:
The Boy on the Wooden Box, Leon Leyson
The Shadow Throne, Jennifer Nielsen
The Riverman, Aaron Starmer

Kasey's Story

Today was a crazy day. My drive home was clouded with self-doubt. I was tangled up in wondering about how be more successful at engaging and motivating my 26 students, many of whom seem uninterested or not invested. I worried for the students who could be getting more, and for the ones who are getting--what feels like--all my attention. I was caught up in what I could do to feel I'm having more of an impact. How can I be making a difference? There needed to be an answer tucked away somewhere, and I willed it to surface for me. 

The sound of my stomach growling distracted me from perseverating. My thoughts shifted to dinner, which reminded me that I was out of milk. Milk took me to the grocery store for a quick in-and-out trip. And there, entering the store from the doors opposite me was Kasey.

I love serendipity, and for more of a reason than just because it's fun to say.

Kasey was in my 5th grade class three years ago. She's in eighth grade now. Kasey was a beautiful girl, tall for her age, mature in her style of dress. She still is. Kasey was an identified student with a learning disability in reading. Kasey was dealing with more adversity and loss in her personal life than most students I've had a chance to work with.

Kasey may well have been the first in the more recent string of students to teach me what teaching is about.

Kasey was part of a challenging class, much like the one I am responsible for now. Kasey had a strong influence among her peers, and I suspect over the adults in her life also.

See, Kasey had a rough exterior. She was edgy, smart-mouthed, and quick to unleash her tongue if she felt any reason to protect or defend herself or her position of influence. I suspect she had a history of this behavior serving as a coping mechanism for her learning differences. She had a mean bark and an effective bite--enough that she convinced most peers and adults to keep a distance. The truth is, underneath it all, Kasey was wishing to be like everyone else. She needed a way to overcome the embarrassment she felt and to begin to find peace with the heaps in her life that felt unfair. Kasey had my heart. 

The day finally came when I asked her to be vulnerable by talking to her about her personal goals. She acknowledged she felt embarrassed about needing individual attention. She expressed that she felt dumb when attending classes in the resource room. She was overwhelmed that everyone knew she couldn't read as well as they could.

I made her a promise that day. I looked her in the eye and told her I would help her. I told her I would work as hard as she would. She slid down low in her chair, trying to shrink. She let her hair fall over her face, shading her eyes. She cried.

And long after she left that day, I cried, too. Not just for the part of my heart she had crawled into, but because she was just one story of many--kids who were hardened to help because they hurt too much from built up perceptions of negative self-worth.

I think what mattered most for Kasey is that I never backed down from my word. I worked tirelessly until I found a series that matched her interests and was in striking range for her. We conferred daily. I advocated for in-class support as much as possible and included her in reading groups with her peers. We had chats to touch base when she was discouraged or angry about her situation or her progress.

That spring, Kasey cleared our district benchmark for the end of grade 5. She made two years' growth and remains one of my biggest reading success stories.

There were tears when she went on to 6th grade, and the old Kasey seemed to protectively live just below the surface throughout her 6th grade year. I worried about her in middle school and still do, but ultimately, the confidence she gained by pursuing her goal for improvement and achieving it has prevented her from returning to the hard encasement she wore as religiously as her eyeliner, torn jeans, and huge hoop earrings.

I know, because I saw Kasey tonight. She was the same sarcastic personality who "can't wait for high school." But her smile and her hug said what her voice could not: I'm still doing alright.

When I promised her I'd help, Kasey believed me. She accepted the help, accepted the challenge. Why? She's never told me, and I never asked, but I think it had a lot to do with the way I met her where she was. I didn't judge her, or remind her of what she wasn't able to do. I didn't try to change her, and I reminded her--however I could--that I cared about her.

That was three years ago, but my students today bear resemblance to Kasey. Their stories are different, their needs each unique. But there are similarities to what Kasey needed. 
They need high expectations, 
consistent consequences, 
reminders of how much I care,
and a promise that I'll work as hard as they do to achieve what they want.

Thanks for refocusing me, Kasey. I guess I'd better get some rest. 

It's Monday, What Are You Reading? (1.6.14)

Every Monday bloggers all over the web participate in an effort to share books we have read and what we are excited about digging into. Thanks to Jen at Teach Mentor Texts and Kellee & Ricki at Unleashing Readers for hosting us all!

What I Read this Week:

Lifetime: The Amazing Numbers in Animal's Lives, by Lola M. Schafer, illustrated by Christopher Silas Neal
(Chronicle Books, 2013)
     This book may become one of my most recommended. In a time where literacy and STEM are becoming increasingly separate from one another, this book shows us exactly how science, math, and literacy can be interrelated. The scientific research conducted and the mathematical curiosities explored are laid out and modeled in the last pages of this beautiful book. The artwork is attractive and appealing, and the information is limited and not overwhelming to readers. This text could lend itself to introducing a unit, jumpstarting interest in learning about animals and their lifetimes, and could be used as a model for science/math writing in the classroom.

One Word Pearl, by Nicole Groeneweg, illustrated by Hazel Mitchell
(Charlesbridge, 2013)
     Here's another book I read this week that I found could be versatile in purpose in the classroom. Groeneweg has a whimsical picture book devoted to word consciousness. You can't help but be more thoughtful about words and word choice after reading this book. Pearl has a love for words and is selective about how and when she uses them. The book also conveys a message about the power of stringing words together. I anticipate using this word with students during an instructional sequence about word choice, but it could also be used in the introduction of our annual vocabulary parade. Regardless, One Word Pearl would be a quick read and worth sharing with students.

14 Cows for America, by Carmen Agra Deedy with Wilson Kimeli Naiyomah, illustrated by Thomas Gonzalez
(Peachtree Publishers, 2009)
     I don't think there is much left to be said about this book. It seems that everyone has known about this gem, and I'm behind in finding out about the treasure in this book. I had often heard it mentioned, but I finally slowed down and took time to read this work. The story of the 14 cows is the story of sacrifice and a gift from a village in Kenya as a show of solidarity with the U.S. after the attacks of September 11, 2001. This book offers a remarkable glimpse at the good in humanity, and provides readers with a tangible example of kindness and support from people at a great distance. One cannot help fall into self-examination about what we do to show support, kindness, solidarity with others in times of need. This book is a winner for helping students visualize the concepts of compassion and empathy.

Fangirl, by Rainbow Rowell
(St. Martin's Griffin, 2013)
     I will read anything Rainbow Rowell writes. I know that with certainty after finishing Fangirl overnight. Rowell's characters are compelling and real. I suspect other readers, like me, find themselves within the characters' relationships and conflicts of her novels. Though the story of Cather, Wren, Reagan, and Levi is set during their college experience as young adults, it reconnects us immediately to days pushed aside. I love the escape Rowell's novels provide me, and the way her books make me think about and remember my own stories of my heart.

Tommysaurus Rex, by Doug Tennapel

(Graphix, 2013)
     I knew I had to beat my students to this new acquisition if I was going to get my hands on it before June. They are big fans of Doug Tennapel after reading and passing on Cardboard. I'm curious to have them read this graphic novel and respond-both about this text alone and in comparison to Cardboard. When Ely loses his dog, Tommy, in an accident, he has a hole in his heart. Losing a pet is a common experience for students, and this imaginary story of Tommy returning to life as a Tyrannosaurus Rex may be just the inspiration needed for readers/writers who prefer to stretch the truth around their real experiences.

The Spy Catchers of Maple Hill, by Megan Frazer Blakemore
(Bloomsbury USA Childrens, May 6, 2014, based on an Advanced Reader Copy)
     As a reader who loved The Water Castle and a supporter of Maine writers, I was elated to have acquired the ARC of this book at NCTE '13. Hazel Kaplansky is an underdog. The only child of cemetery keepers and unpopular among her peers, students will find Hazel easy to befriend. Hazel is, like many intermediate-aged students, quick to assume excitement-enough that she may materialize a mystery where one doesn't exist. The text is historical fiction and set in the era of McCarthyism, a great backdrop for rumor spreading and suspicion. Beautifully woven into the novel are bits of wisdom that could breed thoughtful reflections from readers.

Bluffton: My Summers with Buster Keaton, by Matt Phelan

(Candlewick, 2013)
     In the style of a graphic novel, Phelan gives us an alternative narrative biography of Buster Keaton. The story of the young vaudevillian is told from the perspective of Henry, another young boy in the Bluffton area of Michigan. The fact of Buster Keaton's life is shared through soft, inviting illustrations that impeccably capture the intricacies of characters' emotions, offering strength and depth to the story. This book swallowed me into it's pages and the story, and I wanted to drag out the book like the summer days it described. Students will be intrigued by this book that blurs genre lines, and-I suspect-some will have an interest in learning more about Keaton and the vaudeville life.

What I am Currently Reading:
Wake Up Missing, by Kate Messner
(Walker Childrens, 2013)

What I am Reading Next:
Half a Chance, by Cynthia Lord
The Boy on the Wooden Box, Leon Leyson
Waiting for the Magic, Patricia MacLachlan